'New York Subway\r'

'A pale, misshapen gift drew nearer. I could sense a vague familiarity, but it was heavy(a)-fought to grasp.\r\nâ€Å"No dont come any closer! amuse no! I cant take no more(prenominal)! Youre not alive, youre not alive!”\r\n…… charge overtook my torso as I began to re turn over consciousness. I trembled uneffective to gain control over my body. I agitate my head in an attempt to develop a sense of reality. It was no use. What was I doing hither?\r\nI peered through the window in a dreaded attempt to discover something recognisable; but in spite of these attempts I couldnt. The streets were overcome with plurality, none of them redden assured they were macrocosm observed, near carrying on with their normal r come protrudeines, stem the streets leaving no space for the pavings to breathe.\r\nI insanely scanned the small(a), enclosed room in order to limit something to refresh my memory. I thusly came across a card reading ‘with deepest s ympathy…..\r\nA befuddle expression was forced upon my face as I tried to mystify sense of it. Then I realised why I was here. A river flowed work through my cheeks as I fell to the floor wish I could go back to not k in a flashing. It was so hard for me to accept it, I matte as if I was being suffocated with my own feelings, as if my breast had been taken from me for it was unable to feel no more.\r\nSilence. non even the clocks could bear to tick anymore. Everything so empty and cold, leaving no reason to go on. Why did she have to die? I snarl so much resent towards her. How could she do this to me? So many rulings and questions were running through my mind. What was I express? How could I feel so much nauseate and rejection to my own m early(a)?\r\nI matt-up so sick and numb inside. Physically I mat dead but emotionally I snarl so much pain and sorrow. It wasnt further me I had to think about though was it? What about my family? What were they deviation to t hink if I didnt go to my mothers funeral?\r\nThe whole purview made me cashier. I can imagine their remarks straight. I had to go no matter how I felt, I had to say goodbye.\r\nI felt as if I was in a world of confusion. The funeral was to be in New York due to my mother being brought up there. But how could I fit there? How could I afford it?\r\nI hadnt even come to scathe with my mothers death and yet I was unexpended with all these decisions. I opened my wallet to mother vacuum cleaner; soma of the way I was feeling chasten now. I closed my look seek to gain a stable state of mind. Somehow Id pull back there, no matter how difficult the situation is. What kind of a person would I be if I didnt go?\r\nI breathed in deeply, hoping the unnecessary oxygen would put me an answer to my problems; it didnt. Nothing would gain her back but at least I can take her with me as a lot of her will always remain in me, I can see that now.\r\nI stared at the ceiling, hoping it w ould give me an insight into my problems. I sighed deeply closing my look once again. Then I power saw her face again drawing nearer, her eyeball calling tome in a deep, longing desire.\r\nI couldnt stop shaking. The images reasonable kept running through my mind same(p) a film being played over and over again in slow motion.\r\nMy look fixed upon the clock. Time just seemed to flow by business organizationlessly without anything being accomplished in it. It tended to make me feel sad that Id wasted so much. I needed to bring out out of here in advance I wasted anymore time on pointless arguments with myself!\r\nI leave the hotel, frantically nerve-wracking to gather any spare money that had been left around the room. There was hardly anything. I stepped out onto the sidewalk to be barged into, everyone rushing to get somewhere, not caring about anyone else.\r\nI looked up at the sky to discover tall, large buildings towering over me in an ominous way. I felt so alone ye t I was surrounded by hundreds of people. I carried on walking down the sidewalk admiring the homeless, not their feelingstyles but their outlook on life. They dont care about what anyone else thinks, scarcely about the necessities. Although in their eyeball I could see desp gentle wind, this is not right, what was the world glide slope to?\r\nThese menacing thoughts could not be rid of. They just kept tormenting my mind. Then I saw the answer, it was compose in large bold letters authorize ‘Broadway pipe.\r\nThere had been many stories about winning the subway but I didnt suppose any of them was true, in any fountain its cheap and its the all way.\r\nI stepped down into a dark, dingy hole of darkness below on the earths surface. A distinguished stench roamed the air fashioning me feel nauseous. I went down the stairwell cautiously taking in the hell-like atmosphere.\r\nAs I reached the bottom I gasped in horror at the threatening surroundings. graffito pierced the subway walls increasing its texture as it builds up in layers. I wanted to turn back but I knew I couldnt. blood-red paint stained the walls; it was almost like; oh abide it was. My face went pale as I saw the human blood splattered up the cold, hard wall, no one even bothering to remove it. I ran as fast as I could toilsome to escape the fears of the imagination.\r\nAll around me I saw images flashing through my mind. Fear gripped my heart. Tears close up my vision as I tried to find the souvenir cell. I couldnt back out now; I had already come too far. I hesitated as I saw the token booth; I thusly approached it pulling out a dollar, the only thing I had left. I purchased the token and thus waited patiently wishing it wouldnt come for hence I could have an excuse. Who was I kidding? The only person I was trying to fool was myself.\r\nThe trains eyes beamed out of the darkness, it was like they were trying to hypnotise their victims before theyd even begun their ghastly j ourney. I took the first car fashioning sure that there were other people on it, so that I could remind myself that I wasnt the only person experiencing this catastrophe.\r\nI stared at the floor trying to avoid eye contact with any of the other passengers incase they see fear in my eyes or that I may see fear in theirs, either way I was doomed. The lights flickered on and bump off struggling to obligate open a uni nominate setting. I often feared that they would joinly go off. I didnt dare to see how anyone else was feeling. The whole car was change with an annoying silence and irritable atmosphere. It was hard to keep sanity.\r\nNo one dared speak in case of rejection or unwanted conversation. Smoke drifted through the air causing me to cough, I was unable to hold it in. I stared out of the window to see darkness and the passing(a) flicker of light. This was all too much.\r\nThen on the spur of the moment the train came to a screeching halt and then …darkness. Total darkness. My heart began to pound unexpectedly; I couldnt bear to sit like this. I felt so restrained by the silence. I felt so alone.\r\nâ€Å"Hello? Is anyone there? Somebody enliven answer me?” I screamed unable to be conquer any longer. Then I heard a murmur in the background.\r\nâ€Å"Its ok this usually happens, it only lasts a few minutes. Youll be ok.”\r\nThe lights slower began to flicker, swaying form side to side before regaining total lighting. I sour around to see people smiling in rest.\r\nâ€Å"Thanks” I verbalize quietly realising that this wasnt as horrific as I thought. The fear of the subway was just in my head. save a constant reminder of how brutal life can be.\r\nI sat back and sighed in relief before realising that I didnt know what platform to get off at. Panic. I couldnt bear to go through all this again. I decided to get off at the next platform and then get directions from there. I quickly rose and stepped off the train to find myself surrounded by emptiness. My hopes had been dismantled once again. Everything came flooding back and I eventually broke down. I could no longer hold in all these feelings. Tears burst from my eyes and I didnt have the strength to wipe them away.\r\nIt was then a hand touched my shoulder. A shiver went down my spine as I turned around in fear. A man was stood skunk me, he smiled calmly.\r\nâ€Å"Whats wrong?” He said\r\nI didnt want got get into everything so I just told him that I was lost and I needed to get out of the subway. He showed me to the stairwell and gave me directions.\r\nA sense of relief passed through me. Was it finally it? Was I really here? The only thing that was left to frighten me was the thought of going back. But I realised now that there was nothing to fear except being left alone with my thoughts, but maybe if I confronted them then there would be nothing left to fear; except perhaps, fear itself!\r\n'